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The Other Self

Oleh GriseldaSTu
What if you wake up and find yourself entrapped in your body. You watch your hand lifts up, turning it’s palm over. You watch the gentle movement, almost like you’re watching someone else’s. You thought about speaking, but you catch yourself thinking about it. You got a different sense of whom you are. You are no longer the same person.

The other self argues what you do. The other self reproaches the faults and the good deeds. Two consciousnesses live inside one body. The first controls how it operates daily. The other evaluates it constantly and meticulously.

You close your eyes to end the mystery and wake up to repeat the same procedure. You realize there’s no way to escape. You somehow gain two selves in your body. The words spoken and not spoken dwindled inside your living brain. Then, you watch life goes by without noticing your changes. No, they are not aware of the two minds.

These two hands held dear by you were no longer yours. It was yours, but ‘you’ have change. And so, you wonder who you are. What belongs to the first you and belongs to the second you? You ponder the question and re-think about your pondering. A simple life becomes complex. One circle turns into a complete sphere. Layers of questions only build more layers of questions. Without answers. Without light.

As you breathe on, you catch off guard with your thoughts. You catch just in time before you slip. But why do you worry? What is wrong with thinking? You ponder about that and no answers came. Your second self was wary of someone’s watching. It was watching because it was being watched.

You are but two selves. Then you grabbed the coat of invisibility to cover your perceptions, for it no longer serves a simple purpose. You held multiple perspectives with your second selves. Then you look back to your first automatic, reactive self. You smile because of its simplicity.
You breathe in and breathe out. You accept the two minds inside of you. Two becomes one, in this small feeble human body.
Rabu 16 Mei 2018
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Griselda S


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