“Are you still watching?” Netflix asked for the fifth time today. Of course, I’m still watching. It’s not like I have anything else to do on a Saturday night other than crying over romantic comedies, I thought to myself. Comedies are supposed to make you laugh, but instead, I’m crying over the fact that I’ll never feel that type of love. Early 2000s romantic comedies type of love, to be exact.
It’s not like I’ve been single my whole life. In fact, I’m in a relationship. Even though it feels like he’s in a relationship with his work right now. I mean, it’s okay. People are allowed to be busy, he has a life outside of me, and I have to accept the fact that I’m not his number one priority. I’m not even sure I even make it on his top 5 priority list. Of course, we both have our individual lives to live, but it’s getting tiresome waiting for him to make time for me. Am I selfish for begging for his time? My friends tell me it’s the bare minimum, but I can’t help feeling selfish for it.
Breaking up crossed my mind for a bit. But, knowing me and my attachment issues, I don’t see myself doing the deed any time soon. To be honest, I’m currently surviving on not meeting him and zero calls or texts so, I’m getting used to life without him already. Omar sighed, “So, why are you still with him?”. Ugh, he’s a know-it-all; however, he does have a point. He knows me best, but I hate his condescending tone when he knows he’s right. “You know it’s not that easy,” I said. And it really isn’t. I don’t know if he’s the right person but, it’s the wrong timing for sure. Of course, I love him, and he holds a special place in my heart. I just don’t think we’re both in the right mind to have a healthy relationship.
I met him when I was at the lowest point of my life. He made me realize that I was loved and that I’m worthy of it. How could I easily say goodbye to the person who made me better than I used to? I don’t think he realizes how much he actually means to me. I know I don’t mean as much as he does to me, but I knew that already. I’m always the type to love more, no matter who the person is. Omar is one of my best friends who I’ve known since pre-school, and he’s already put up with me for longer than my boyfriend did. I think I’ll manage. And no, it’s not like that with Omar. I never thought of him romantically and also, vice versa. Everyone bets on us being soulmates and we’re going to get married. But, you don’t have to be romantically linked to be soulmates.
“Bella, I think it’s time we called it quits.” Those are the words I expected to hear from Adrian when he called me. My gut was wrong. It was one of the many conversations we’ve been having just for meaningless chit chat. Sigh. Does he know I’ve been crying over him? He acts as if nothing happened. As if I would be there for him all the time. I’m sick of understanding him and him not doing the same for me. Of course, I didn’t say a word of what I was thinking and just acted like everything was fine.
This cycle of hurt has got to end sometime. God knows where he is and who he’s with right now. I’ve been getting this all wrong. The whole time I’ve been putting him first when instead, I should be putting myself first. I will not make myself available to him every second of the day.
The truth is, I’ve already got what I need at the time. Supportive friends? Check. Killer looks? Check. A secure job? Check. Letting go has always been the hardest part, but hey, who knows, maybe if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back. Yeah, no, that even sounded wrong in my head. Here’s to letting go and never looking back.
I unlocked my phone and smiled at the sight of my best friends on my home screen.I can’t believe I have to tell them they were right after this. I calmed myself and took a deep breath. I’m never going to get the courage again if I don’t do this right now, so what the hell.
ADRIAN <3 calling mobile……
Knowing whether he’ll pick up or not is like a game of roulette and not even the fun kind. The ring finally stopped, “Hello?”.Oh no, looks like it’s now or never.
“Hey, Adrian, we need to talk.”